Dm: Kel
Roll Call: ant, spike, mike
*
*Players: I,Rogue; Isla, bellos,
Advanced NPC: Beyatch.
*
*Mission: Return Beyatch to her parents. Um…village.

• IR gets juniper berries.
• Campfire.
• Isla on watch. Identifies people. Magic Goat People. Playing Petshop boys.
• “No fires.”
• I,Rogue and Beyatch are enamoured by the music.

Kel: I hate acting out shag scenes.

Ant: then why do you write them?

• Beyatch is double-teamed by satyrs. In 2 and a half minutes, she screams 57 times. So does Bellos. His heart is broken. Actually, he was fine with it. “Now we know why she’s called Beyatch Whistler”

• Satyrs reveal multiple dangers in forest: trolls, nymphs, river monitor & Aragneia.

• Aragneia sounds like a spider name.

• Isla decides that after watching a double team, they’ll have a double watch.

• I,Rogue and Bellos pull double-watch. (Rolls: 2 and 20 respectively)

• bellos and Beyatch have some tension now. Beyatch relegated to NPC status.

• It’s a cold night with no fire, and the Mötley Crüe do not sleep well.

• Beyatch leads Crüe to her village. She’s not confident. Is she lost. Isla curses at her. Doesn’t believe she knows where she’s leading them.

• Isla calls her bluff with sense motive check.

• Beyatch is still enamoured and is in fact leading Crüe to River Monitor.

• Isla believes ill intent. I,Rogue believes she’s just enamoured and means no ill.

• moving on, Bellos sees birds flying in front of Crüe. Then stopping. Then flying. Makes connection to Druids of previous adventures.

• birds lead him to a deceased bug bear knight body, where he discovers loot.

Bellos to Beyatch: “you going to fuck that stiff too.”
He thinks he’s been stiffed in this relationship. One bad roll can ruin a toss salad.

• find steep gully leads to waterfall.

• IR says no to Bellos searching. This time he wants the loot. Gives waterfall a visual only “no treasure here.” Then Bellos rolls a 19 and discovers….

…over the rushing sound of the waterfall…

… a muffled groan away from the river. Away from wterfall noise.

• Bellos’ tinnitus kicks in. He uses it like a sonar sense to triangulate the position of the sound.

• THiNG in tree suckers him up.

• big spider.

• Isla climbs tree.

• Bellos swings. Hit x2.

• IR lassoes Bellos legs and pulls against tree.

• Bellos beat it off.

• IR goes to moanee.

• Reveals Cocoon People in other tree.

• Cuts cocoon people free.

*IR is spider splooged and dragged further into tree. He punches spider in eye.

*Punches in throat. Spiders have no throat, and therefore he misses.

*Bellos and Isla climb tree, discover cocoons too.

• Bellos kills spider. The spider falls on party. Knocks IR anD Isla out of tree.

• Isla DOUBLE 1. Okay. Foot sticks in spider carapas on way down.

• IR damaged. -1.

• Isla stablilised IR. -3. Bellos and Isla get treasure.

• Free cocoon people. Orc and Dwarf in cocoon.

• Sworn enemies. Both are lying about who captured who, playing the blame game.

• Facts are that at Beaverdam there was an Orc Attack.

• Isla says Orcs aren’t cunning enough to hunt and trap. Isla tough negotiating.

• Tie Orc to tree, rope around throat.

• Players pause to watch “Monkey Frog” on You Tube

• If I was that Orc, I’d be very scared now.

• Let Dwarf free. Marshall Ahkbed.

• Rescue brother of dwarf: trapped underwater. New mission.

*IR has to rest over night to get to 1 HP.

• Warband of Orcs heading north. East to hole.

*Set up camp in dark woods at Beaver Dam.

• Beaver DAm – water down hole.

• Dwarf: “hiding from orcs” Isla rolls 20. “He’s bullshitting.”

• Random monster encounter: Giant Owl looking for frogs. Must have watched that video on youtube too-hoo.

• Isla spooks owl as she reasons they are short sighted. Owl talks.

• Beaverdam revealed as Elf Tomb.

• IR healed. Talks to Orc. Gets nowhere. IR not a very good negotiator/interrogator. Let’s dwarf attack Orc while others try to stop dwarf from harming prisoner. IR reasons they might as well just kill the orc. IR has “issues” with full-bloodied orcs.

• Dwarf knocks out ORC.

• IR is finally talked into exploring water tomb. Ties rope around waist and submerged tree as well as Bellos and Isla. Tug system for trouble.

• In 3 or 4 goes, IR finds dead dwarf and secret entrance.

• Near drowns and is now unconscious.

END OF BROOKFIELD SESSION

DM: Kel
Roll Call: Jake, Ant, Big Micky T.

From the journals of I,Rogue the Half-Orc who thinks he’s a rogue but is actually just a Barbarian.
-———————————-

- We run across Belios, a noble elven fighter who likes cheese.
- We tie Glissade to a tree naked and promise we’ll return. She gets a little too excited.
- Approach Temple.
- See freaky dude in tree.
- We hide in trees, some better then others.
- Tyroniccus talks to a bird, we learn druid numbers in temple.
- Belios throws cheese block to lure them out
- It doesn’t work.
- Hatch plan to tie Belios to side of donkey then push donkey into druids camp. Caught unawares by trojan donkey. We then attack.
- Decide instead to just get donkey to go in by itself, and see if Druids kill it.
- Donkey won’t go.
- Throw carrot.
- Instead of running into temple and fighting magic dudes, we set up campfire and lure them into our cunning trap.
- Old Magic Dude comes down. He can’t talk but has potion which says “drink me, talk me.”
- After much internal debate, Tyronnicus drinks the potion.
- Learns Druids have a female prisoner.
- We head into temple with invitation.
- Woman tied to tree. She is very panicked and under duress. Nothing like Glissade.
- Talk Druids into letting woman go.
- Halfling Sister was one of the dead.

QUEST FUCKIJ OVER!

Head back to town. Woman Prisoner is a nudist. Belios, being noble, offers to put her up in his hotel room.

I,Rogue takes echidna, baba’s dead body (which had been strapped to donkey all this time) and donkey to I,Rogue secret garden.

Isla heads to surrounding villages to inform dead cultists’ families of their loved ones fate. Ie. death.

In mean time, Belios & Tyronnicus head to pub.

I,Rogue returns and goes to see Bigaboobies and sells fist-size jade, dwarven war-axes and assorted items.

Bellios has a girlfriend in that cultist is naked, and he’s not one to let a naked chick out of his sight.

Bellios barted successfully for a boat space on boats.

I forget why we were bartering for boats but I think we had to go somewhere in one.

Camp for the night on river. I,Rogue (voxer evidence implicates him) offers boat crew 1 gold piece each for them to sleep on bank instead of party.

Party nice and safe in boat.

Big fuck-off Snake crawls from bank into water and into boats.

I,Rogue falls out of boat.

Tyronnicus aims crossbow to shoot snake. (1)

Tyronnicus misses and rolls another (1), falls out of boat.

Tyronnicus falls out of boat and rolls another (1), hits head on boats and knocks self out.

Tyronnicus knocked out in water wearing scale mail armour.

Tyronnicus sinks.

I,Rogue washed downstream barely able to swim.

Belios and Cultist Girl try to rescue Tyronnicus with fishing nets.

Snake eats Tyronnicus for dinner.

Snake swims away with his leg sticking out of its maw.

I,Rogue is on bank, Belios is on boat, Cultist Girl is on boat and what is that sound? Is that the sound of a horse? Could it be Isla Fairhaven to the rescue? Where the fuck was she five minutes ago when our cleric got eaten?

DM: Kel Roll Call: Jake; Ant; Big Micky.

Note: These are the notes of I,Rogue and as thus may be quite suspect in terms of validity.

• I,Rogue & Isla Camped. I,Rogue feeds her a roofie. Accidentally takes one himself as well.
• Dead Baba took I,Rogue on dream state journey through all places they had been in their time together.
• Back to bar.
• Glissade drugged and raped Tyronnicus’, Baba’s friend.
• Investigate.
• Find Old Dude jerking off.
• Yells at Dead Baba.
• Dead Baba & Crazy Old dude fight.
• Dreams.
• Baba i. Tyronicus ii. Glissade.
• Fighting Old Dude.
• Spirit of Well has our spirits.
• Old dude, Jammo, involved somehow.
• In Well, bottom. Rabbit comes, enlarges, becomes Demon Bunny, breathes gas.
• Glissade poisoned.
• Tyronnicus, Dead Baba, I,Rogue attack. All miss.
• Write script onto objects to be able to use them in spirit world.
• Glissade okay.
• Dead Baba poisoned by Demon Bunny gas.
• Demon Bunny attacks Dead Baba.
• Glissade stabs at Demon Bunny.
• I, Rogue misses.
• Dead Baba acid splashes. Really seemed to hurt him.
  *I,Rogue posioned.
  *Glissade missed.
• Dead Baba cast ghost sound “spirit of fox” scares Demon Bunny.
• Demon Bunny image disappears, leaves a 2 foot demon.
  *I,Rogue didgeriedoo’s him.
• Tyron moves behind him, swings mace, double 1.
• Hits I,Rogue – Instant Death (mother fucker)
• I,Rogue’s body is at bottom of well, dying. 8 rounds begins NOW. Spirit returned to body.
• Monster disappeared.
• Dead Baba sense motive. HE’s still there!
• Monster casts spell:fear.
• Dead Baba hits Tyroniccus.
• I,Rogue OK.
• Fishmouth bit monster.
• Monster tries to run.
• Free shots; G miss, B miss, T hit, FM miss.
  *I,Rogue stabilised himself.
• Throws rocks.
  *Glissade throws banister, hits fleeing invisible monster rabbit.
• Dead Baba chases him down.
• Tyronnicus saw him right in front, swings mace. 20!
• Kills Rabbit Monster/Well Spirit.
• Dead Baba disipates.

THE END!

Through tears of friendship, I,Rogue promises to look after Baba’s donkey and echidna. He promises never to play gridiron with the echidna, and never to take the donkey to see Peter Pan ever again.

If I have any of this wrong and I’m sure I do please correct it…

The party recovers after the stream crossing that almost cost Baba his life and loots the body of the troglodyte that was smote with a single mighty blow of I rogue’s didgeridoo.

When heads are counted there is one missing, one with a long nose and a very long tongue (with a three headed penis attached to its body too for all the scientists out there). Baba’s echidna familiar had not made it across and was there scratching around running backward and forward along the opposite bank looking for a way to get to his master without getting wet. I, rogue, realising that it was not the best idea to send Baba back across to get it took it upon himself to swim back, coax the little guy into a bag and then throw him across the 20m stream to the others. Great idea except the others didn’t catch him and only a very fortunate bounce saved the little monotreme from death. I, rogue made it back across the water and the party settled down for an afternoon of recovery.

The afternoon stretched into the night and the party camped on the stream bank. In the night a single white swan came into view. Initially like a strengthening white glow in the darkness, Isla was absorbed as the swan came into the glow of the firelight. The incongruity of the moment, a swan approaching a party of people in the late evening was lost on the monk and it took an arrow that flew through the light of the fire for her training to overcome her fascination. With that she awoke the party but not a moment too late. As Baba and I, Rogue were dragged into wakening they were set upon by a badger, a dire rat and a halforc hefting a naturally-spiked hardwood club. Two more arrows sailed through the melee but found no mark. The three, surprised and attacked from multiple directions quickly dealt with the dire rat and then the badger. The halforc fought well but called for a halt to the fight as his companion, the badger fell under a flurry of blows from Isla. The party relented and allowed the halforc to save the badger and dire rat before they died. The halforc could only speak orcish with I, rogue but gave his name, Ursus, and mentioned Cygnus in the aftermath of the battle, perhaps the name of the dire rat. The badger’s name was simply Badgie. He agreed to lead the party to his leader, Gulo and offer the party healing if they let him and his companion live.

The party loaded the unconscious dire rat on to Baba’s donkey and the halforc carried Badgie. They travelled with Ursus through the remainder of the night to a forest den, well hidden among the rocks, vegetation and a hillside in the forest. There they met Gulo, a strongly built common-speaking halfelven druid and leader of this circle of druids that included Ursus; Cygnus, a young gnome female; Microthene, a waif-like and graceful elf and himself. The circle spoke in their own tongue and dressed each in their own way but all with symbols of the forest – Gulo and Ursus in hides, bones, bark and leaves; Cygnus in white down and jewellery of shells and crustacean exoskeletons; and Microthene in leaves, brown feathers and bedecked in the beaks and claws of birds. Gulo told the party of his devotion to the forest, of his self-given role to protect the natural beings and the land that make up the forest from intruders and spoke of his druidic circle. When questioned by the party about the attack on the cultists he did not try to avoid it, the circle had attacked the cultists or whoever they were simply because they defiled the forest by being there, cutting down trees and shaping stone into unnatural forms. When questioned about the Bared Teeth he knew no difference between them and the cultists, all unnatural beasts that incur on the forest look the same and will be dealt with the same. He agreed to allow the party to go and see the temple for themselves and have Ursus guide them if they agreed to leave immediately after and take nothing that belongs to the forest. He made no guarantees if the party declined or broke the deal. He and Microthene healed the party members as much as they could and allowed them to sleep until day. The party were able to spend a morning recuperating before setting out. Baba especially benefitted while fishing with Gulo he learned how to cast and place a lure so a fish could not resist, what times of day different fish are active and in what part of the stream.

Ursus guided the party for a full day and shared with the party his skills. The party got to know Ursus better and found that he had a deep knowledge and care for the forest. When their day was done he showed them a little about finding and setting a camp. Isla took first watch then Baba. He awoke Ursus for third watch but all three in the party woke up in the cold still dawn – I, rogue realising he had missed his watch – without the big demihuman in his bed, Ursus had left in the night. The party knew which way they had to travel and decided to continue.

While making their way through the forest the party defeat a gang of three heavily armed dwarves who seemed to be on a pillaging mission. The party kill them and take possession of their axes and loot.

The party came to an ancient stone path rising across a slope and took it upward to a clearing where stood a group of buildings. A woodstore was overgrown and the remaining logs looked as though mould was setting in. The woodstore was set beside a much larger barn which clearly was still lived in by sheep but no human or demihuman had entered for a while. When searching the floor Baba found a trapdoor which I, rogue bashed open to reveal a cellar shrine to Nerull, a god Isla recognised, one devoted to death and evil magic. The party stole the idol left there. The party then searched a vandalised tannery, drying racks and a well without finding anything. They did pause to investigate a rock cairn nearby the tannery, raised of fist-sized rocks in a pyramid to chest high. Some of the rocks had identical markings or symbols that were clearly unnatural. After dropping something down the well they entered the main building – a house that likely, after all the previous signs, belonged to a trapper. The thatched roof had collapsed and brought down parts of the house with it. Isla discovered a little money and a sword with a symbol scratched into it, the same as the symbols on the rock cairn outside. While the others searched the house and loft, Baba searched under the stairs and was without warning attacked by a bloodthirsty (literally) ghoul who with a bite and claw attack sent Baba into unconsciousness. The others quickly came to Baba’s aid and killed (properly this time) the ghoul but could not save the life of the little wizard.

RIP BABA GNOME, SON OF HIS DAD AND MUM, WIZARD OF THE UNDERDARK, MASTER OF ECHIDNA AND DONKEY ALIKE, CONVERSER WITH BURROWING MAMMALS, FAST LEARNER BUT POOR SWIMMER, DEFENDER OF WHATEVER SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME, GATHERER OF EXPERIENCES AND ALL ROUND CLEVER DUDE…

congregation sings Bat out of hell (M. Loaf)

Life above earth is tougher but more exciting than below earth. It is but my first week away from the dullness of my home but already I am adventuring with a novel bunch of miscreants. At the Batterred Wife I was casually Bunioning when all hell broke loose. Shouts from Trappers, Boaters, flying Monks and a wild eyed half Orc screaming about his Plumcots.

My Bunions were screaming for attention but the fun of the battle was screaming even louder so I thought I would give that loveable Orc a bit of a hand and kick one of his opponents square in the Plumcots, he then thought he would give me a gauntleted hand and proceeded to knock the Bunions of my foot and in the process knocked off my foot. I appreciated the de-Bunioning but he needn’t have smashed my foot to smithereens in the process.

Let Bunions be bygones and let Plumcot obsessed Orc’s follow me as a bodyguard in this great adventure. The Journey has been fun, it has been reassuring and comforting to speak with one of my long eared Bretheren on the Journey. It will be interesting learning about the Monk as she appears mysterious with many secrets but and the need to save the world – she may find it best to save her own skin if we come across more of those sinister Trogladytes. Baba

Moonday the third of the month of Reaping

The day was spent much the same as the previous week on the ship. I filled time where I could with meditation, martial arts and trying to keep to myself. The crew are becoming more rowdy with each passing hour as the ship draws closer to port. They lack discipline and the chance to spend a months earnings as the ships will be docked for several days is driving them into a frenzy. By late afternoon I grew tired of one of the boatmens jibes and advances. The situation would have escalated if not for the first mate chancing upon the encounter. Whilst on the subject of unwelcome company the creepy effeminate man who always manages to somehow find me will simply not leave me alone. Although he is no where as uncouth as the crew I can see the intention in his eyes and I feel nothing but disdain for him. The ship docked later that evening, a few hours past supper. Ever grateful to be rid of the smells, the crew, the stale food and the creepy little man who’s name I still haven’t learnt, I quickly gathered my rucksack and departed much faster than the rest of travelers who were busy gathering luggage. I was informed by a traveling merchant that the Battered Wife would still be serving meals at the late hour of the evening. It was a short walk from the dock and upon opening the massive oak doors all my senses were assaulted. It was a dank, dimly lit tavern with all manner of local riff raff. The place reeked of spilt ale and blood, and both stained the floor equally. Most people were loud an obnoxious, each trying to outshine the lasts fading words by talking even louder. Just a quick meal I thought and then off to find somewhere to bed down for the evening…

.

A half-orc without a name has established a small garden outside the waterside town of Hard Earth. One afternoon he finds his secret garden vandalised and his newest horticultural invention a plumcot tree sliced in two with the fruit missing.

With a very big chip on his shoulder he heads to the most likely place where he might find the culprit(s) – The Battered Wife – a bar in the small port town. He uses his subtle information gathering skills to search out possible vandals by whatever is the opposite of subtly checking the fingernails of patrons. He challenges two trappers to an arm wrestle which instigates a fight and an innocent gnome wizard Baba (who cleverly enters the fight using feet rather than weapons or magic) is seriously injured (his leg may never heal) by a stray right hook with a spiked gauntlet attached to a half-orc arm. A stream of seaman (like what I did there although it’s more a riverport than a seaport) looking for a fight get battered into submission by the oversized barbarian (though if you call him that he will tell you “I not barbarian, I rogue.”) and a monk who joins the fight on the side of I Rogue for reasons known only to her. I Rogue manages to almost kill the gnome a second time after Baba momentarily recovers before going to the rescue of the monk, Isla Fairhaven, who is in more than a little bother with one of the boaters. A second mysterious female puts paid to two more boaters then disappears out the door and the remaining boaters, trappers and others retreat leaving I Rogue to rush the unconscious and fading monk and gnome to the healer.

For a fee they are revived and set on the path of recovery by a small goblin cleric of Pelor, Turin Marash. In the little backroom of the temple of Pelor the group find a couple of patients in various stages of recovery and stabilisation (some due to I Rogue and his great club) including a maimed barbarian BT Barakus who bears numerous wounds and injuries.

The barbarian is the focus of a yelling match outside the healer’s ward involving a halfling, Gene Semens, (who the party met in the Battered Wife earlier) as he stands (lies) accused of attacking a temple Gene’s sister belongs to. BT Barakus tells them (unwillingly) that he was part of a group called the Bared Teeth that attacked the temple in the forest and raped and murdered cultists but were attacked by crazed animals. Upon hearing about the rape Gene attacks BT Barakus and inflicts a fatal blow despite the protection of the party and the ministrations of Turin.

Isla pays for another day’s recovery while I Rogue and Baba head out to find out more about the Charmed Brethren. They spend a night resting and the next day meet a trio of strange characters. First they are accosted on the street by Bigubu Beaze who ushers them into his shop full of preserved specimens, strange and unique contraptions and collectibles and lots and lots of locks. Bigubu tells them the cultists are the Charmed Brethren and some had recently been customers in his shop. He also suggests the Sage as someone who might know more.

Next Baba follows an old lady into her shack where she sells used items, clothing, vegetables and fruit (but not plumcots) and home cooked delicacies (that may or may not contain plumcots). She gives them some tasty treats and the advice to see the Sage for more information.

The pair see the Sage and discover information ain’t free. They make a deal with the Sage to collect some herbs and mushrooms the Sage wants and return to get a little information about who the Charmed Brethren are and some other stuff that they will just have to remember themselves…

All three set out the next day and talk to shepherds and other people they meet along the way. They pick up tidbits about druids, cultists, local beasties and the life of frontier settlers. At the end of the first day they set up camp in the forest and are visited in the night by wolves who come as far as into the firelight before retreating into the forest. Baba has a chat with a rabbit and is told about “new druids” but fumbles through his first subterranean mammalian conversation so doesn’t get much help. The night finishes with a lone wolf turning up in the hour before dawn with the rabbit in its jaws.

The next day the party push on into the densely forested foothills and come to a stream which they can’t get across. They make their way upstream and find a place to cross. I Rogue swims across and secures a rope so the others can follow. First Isla swims across then Baba follows on his donkey but slides off midstream and slips into the water and moments later unconsciousness. He is saved but almost costs his new friend his life (1 all). His donkey is ashore but his echidna is not across as far as anyone knows…

A half-orc barbarian walks into a bar, gets into a fight, and accidentally brutilises the gnome wizard who stepped in to help him. Overcome by guilt, he will follow the gnome to the gates of hell to make amends. A human monk who has come to find a stray soul, any soul, to save from the edge of damnation is so impressed by the half-orc’s remorse that she thinks she has found the perfect subject (and an easy mark). The gnome? The gnome just wants some alone time with his donkey and his all-too-familiar echidna.